I Want to Put My Birth Parents Back on My Birth Certificate
Becoming a parent enters you into a completely new and sometimes overwhelming world. Everything you don't want to happen will happen, and you might find yourself begging for privacy and alone time.
Are you ready to spend all your money on diapers and all your waking hours with annoying children's television shows? Just wait — there's so much more that happens when you become a parent.
Unsolicited Advice
Once you become a parent, everyone starts having an opinion on your parenting style. You'll receive unsolicited advice as often from people with kids as those without. What can you do about it? You're completely allowed to ignore them.
As a parent, you'll soon learn that there's no advice that's 100 percent right. While some people may have experiences similar to yours, many will not, and even those that do don't necessarily know the best way forward for you and your kid. Sure, some advice will be useful, at the end of the day, your decisions are what matter.
Parenting is the college years all over again when it comes to sleep deprivation, but with the added bonus of being older and not managing it as well. Sure, it gets better once the kids start growing up, but for the first few years, you'll need a mind of steel to get through sleepless nights.
Of course, it's all worth it — people still have multiple children, even though they're fully aware their sleep schedules will never be the same again. But if you value sleep, you seriously have to consider that it'll go down on your list of priorities once you become a parent.
Raising Kids Is Expensive
The idea of having children seems wonderful until you realize just how expensive it is. Kids eat — a lot. Especially as they get older. And it'll be your job to feed them. On top of that, there are plenty of other expenses, like school fees, clothes and more. Basically, everything you buy for yourself, you'll probably need to buy for your kids too.
A solid income and meticulous budgeting can help, obviously, but the sticker shock can still surprise even the most wealthy and frugal potential parents. And if you're in the US, just giving birth will cost you thousands of dollars.
You Need to Plan Daycare Enrollment in Advance
If you're struggling with parenting, having a job and whatever else is on your plate, you probably don't have a lot of time and could use daycare services. Ironically, however, setting up daycare itself often takes a lot of time, especially at places that are in high demand.
It's a real crux, but unfortunately, there's no getting around it. As children get older, this juggling act only gets more complicated as summer camps and after-school activities enter the picture.
You'll Get Sick More Often
Kids carry germs — that's a fact. They get them from school, their friends and basically anyone around them. Their immune system is still developing, which means they get sick. A lot. And as a result, so will you. It's a fact that parents get sick more often than adults without children..
No matter how robust your immune system is, you can expect it to take a beating once you have children. For your own sake, make sure you stock up on cough drops, ginger ale, chicken soup and other sick essentials — you'll need them.
A Clean House Will Never Be a Priority Again
Messy will become your middle name. It's impossible to dedicate any time to cleaning once you have children, at least while they're young. Sure, there are parents who try to teach their kids about having a clean house, but most of them give up because it just gets messy again one day later.
While you should make sure your family doesn't live in unacceptably dirty conditions, having a messy house is inevitable. Unless, of course, you can afford to hire someone to help you clean it.
The Meltdowns Are Almost Always Unexpected
If you think you know exactly when your kid's going to have a meltdown, you're in for a huge surprise. More often than not, the meltdowns come from the most trivial things — your child might just be hungry or need a nap.
Seriously — from giving them food from a differently-colored packet to insisting on wearing the most ridiculous clothes, tantrums can come at the most unexpected times and often inconvenient times, especially when you're out with them in public.
They're Extremely Impressionable
It's no secret that kids are impressionable. From their toddler years to adulthood, your children will intentionally and subconsciously take things to heart. As a parent, you need to always be mindful of what you're saying to them.
Everything from the way you enforce discipline to the way you interact with your significant other to the way you treat service people can potentially inform your child's view of the world — and not always in the ways you want. It pays to be mindful and compassionate.
They Pick Up on Your Traits and Mannerisms
Speaking of being impressionable, your habits and personal foibles will rub off of kids quickly. That can be adorable under the right circumstances, but it can also have negative consequences when the behavior in question is less healthy than you'd care to admit.
Being mindful of your own behavior is just as important as watching the kid's. And even when your own actions are fine, they can still backfire when kids take what you do out of context. Monkey see, monkey do.
How You Treat Other People Is How They'll Treat Them, Too
Bullies often are bullies because of issues at home — that's no secret. It's all they know, so that's what they act out. Having frequent fights with your significant other? Don't be surprised if your child uses the same language when they get angry.
Bigger problems like racism and sexism are also modeled this way. Being a good parent means thinking critically about your own behavior and working to show your kids the behavior you want them to have rather than just telling them to do it.
They Won't Get It Until They're Older
Raising kids is frustrating. They basically think the whole world revolves around them, and their problems seem huge. The truth is, those problems really do feel enormous — but only to them. That's why kids often get frustrated with their parents for not understanding how big of a deal something is to them.
The truth is, they won't understand until they're older, and sometimes it won't even happen until they have their own kids. You have to be patient with them and not get frustrated in turn as they experience the good and bad of this world.
Your 'Me Time' Is Practically Non-Existent
When children come into the picture, time for personal relaxation often lasts as long as house cleanliness as a priority. With diapers to change, food to make and crying bouts to quiet, getting anything done becomes much, much harder. Try having a second child for bonus difficulty.
That doesn't mean you stop needing time to yourself, however. While you'll have to tough it out to a degree, you should still take what time you can for keeping your sanity together. Your time may be much more fragmented now that a baby's in the picture, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't salvage what you can for yourself.
You Realize You Don't Know Everything
One of the most humbling things about being a parent is that you realize you despite being an adult, you still don't know everything — or even as much as you'd like to know. It's something a lot of parents struggle with as kids get older and ask more questions about the world.
The truth is, it's okay to say, "I don't know." While parents often lie to their children when they don't know an answer to something, admitting your own ignorance teaches your kid that just because they don't know something doesn't mean that they should be afraid — instead, they have an opportunity to learn.
You Can't Protect Them From Everything
Here's a big truth — as your child grows up and explores the world on their own, they'll get themselves into trouble, and you won't always be there to protect them. It's something that's hard to embrace no matter how old your kids are.
The goal of parenting isn't to prevent disaster from ever striking, because that just isn't possible. Instead, your job is to teach your kid how to overcome those terrible moments and be a stronger person for it.
You Live in Perpetual Fear for Their Well-being
Once your kids are able to go to school, you're in for a whole new era of worrying. Although getting more personal time is fantastic, you might find yourself experiencing crippling fear over what your child is doing while they're away. Don't worry — this is totally normal.
There comes a point where you have to realize that your fears might exceed reality. You shouldn't disrupt your child's life just because you're worried. Be confident that whatever lessons you taught them as a parent are good enough for them to face the real world.
Kids Will Keep Secrets From You
Once your kids become teenagers, and often even before that, they'll keep secrets from you. While they're sometimes trivial or even adorable, like a first crush, there are other times when those secrets will be about dark, serious things that could break your heart if you knew about them.
It's okay for them to have secrets and privacy. However, you should always make sure they know you are there for them at all times. Don't force them to tell you things — just make sure they know they can trust you and that you'll always be there to support them.
Sometimes You'll Have to Make Difficult Decisions
Being a parent is tough. It's not always about being your child's best friend. You have to come to terms that they won't always like you, especially when you make decisions for the family as a whole, not just for them.
The truth is, it's okay for them to get angry with you as long as you explain why you made the choices that you did and demonstrate that you're trying to act in their best interests, even if you're not in agreement on what those are.
You Might Find Yourself Missing Your Independence
Being constantly surrounded by kids that depend on you at all times makes it difficult to focus on anything else, at least for the first couple of years of their lives. If you've been an independent person most of your life, you might find yourself struggling in the parenting world.
It's a challenge adapting to the role of parenthood, but over time, the benefits of this arrangement also make themselves known. You get an intimate look at the formation of another human being, and you get a source of companionship later in life. Plus, they're not that needy forever. Thank goodness.
Letting Them Grow Up Is Harder Than You Think
After having your child depend on you for years or decades, every step they take toward independence — whether it's kindergarten or college — can go against every instinct a parent has. Nonetheless, you have to let them go, and no matter how torn up you are, you can't bog them down with your feelings.
That doesn't mean you need to do it alone, of course. Spouses, friends or a counselor can all help you explore your emotions in a way that allows you to better understand your own thoughts and needs while still giving your child the support they need.
Your Eating Habits Will Become Their Eating Habits
Eating healthy is something many families struggle with. Even so, It's important to understand the basics of nutrition and set up some healthy eating habits for yourself before you decide to have children. Whatever you feed them will shape them as human beings.
If you're used to drinking a lot of soda or eating candy, don't be surprised if your child does the same. Proper nutrition is a never-ending battle, but it's your responsibility to incorporate it as much as possible into your kid's life. After all, you're in charge of their well-being and health now.
Life Goes By Fast — Really Fast
It's true what they say — children grow up in the blink of an eye. One day, you're celebrating their one-year birthday, and the next, they're turning fifteen. Cherish those moments and make the most out of being a parent.
While some stages of life may be more difficult than others, remember that you only get to experience the good parts of each part with each child once. Enjoy that fresh baby smell, the adoration of your toddler and your child's first game or performance, and don't linger on the bad times.
There's a Never-Ending Amount of Laundry
You might notice that you'll constantly have piles of clothes that need to be washed. Kids get messy, and if you don't want to constantly buy new clothes, you have to learn how to do laundry in the most effective way possible.
Even if you did just fine washing clothes on an as-needed basis before you had kids, you'll probably need a schedule to keep up with the sheer amount of dirty laundry coming your way. Bonus tip: Buy extra pairs of socks — they absolutely will start disappearing.
Seeing Them Hurt Will Break Your Heart
There's nothing sadder than seeing your child in pain. Whether they're young or old, it never gets easier. Witnessing them cry will be absolutely heartbreaking, but you have to understand that it will happen.
Prepare yourself for the fact that your kids will get hurt. All you can do for them is to be there and help them in every possible way you can. Some things might be out of your control, but they have to know that you'll always be there for them.
Their Mental Health Issues Won't Be Visible
Mental health is an important subject every parent should talk about with their child. But it's just as important to know that mental health issues aren't always visible — you might not even know your child is depressed or experiencing other issues.
It's important to let them know they can tell you everything, especially when their mental health might not be at the best place. If things get bad, don't shrug it off — listen to them fully, demonstrate your support, and consider therapy as an option.
You're in Trouble When They Learn They Can Say No
At one point, your child will realize they can say no to you, and they absolutely will. The truth is, they're totally allowed to — just because they're your child, it doesn't mean they have to always agree with you. You shouldn't punish them for saying no. In fact, you should acknowledge their own preferences.
However, if you feel like they're saying no to something that would be beneficial for them, make sure you explain and communicate why they should listen to you. Remain calm and talk to them with respect at all times.
They Have Opinions, and They Use Them
Once children become older, they develop their own opinions that might be different from what you believe. Don't freak out when that happens, and remember that you're raising another human, an individual, not a clone of yourself. It's one of the hardest things for some parents to realize.
That said, while having opinions is fine, harming or disrespecting others is not. Kids sometimes forget that words can have an impact on others, so it's up to you to model respectful, mature behavior.
They Will Be Influenced by the Internet
Whether the internet was in its early stages when you were growing up or you didn't have it at all, it's a different animal today. From TikTok to YouTube, children watch all sorts of things to pass the time, and some of that content isn't a good influence.
Parental controls can help to a degree, but the most important thing is to establish a relationship with your child where they feel comfortable sharing their experiences with you. It's also best to talk with them from an early age about how to navigate the web and the potential dangers out there.
Some Things Will Be Out of Your Control
With so many barriers to success in today's world, it can be tempting to think that the only way for your kid to get ahead in life is to make sure they have every advantage possible. However, this kind of thinking can backfire.
You've probably heard of helicopter parenting — it's when a parent tries to control every single thing in their child's life.While it might have benefits in the short term, it comes with the risk of denying your child valuable experience and a sense of self-competence. Not only can your child probably survive a few failures, but they might even learn from them.
You'll Have to Respect Their Feelings
Parents are often dismissive of their kids' feelings because they believe they know what's best for them. They feel like it doesn't matter what their child thinks if it contradicts what they believe. It's a recipe for a toxic relationship between yourself, your child and — should they imitate you —the rest of the world.
Whatever your child is feeling is completely valid. They may make bad decisions as a result of those feelings, but by ensuring your child recognizes that you recognize their emotions, you make them more likely to trust you and help them feel secure as they explore their own feelings.
You Might Be Annoyed by Them, But You'll Love Them Unconditionally
As difficult as raising a child can be, both for all the emotional struggles and the unrelenting horror of what lies in wait inside baby diapers, the bond between parent and child is unique and worth cultivating.
It's natural not just for children to be annoyed by their parents, but also parents by their children. They sometimes ignore valuable advice, forget to call and even say things they may regret, but if you're always there for your child, odds are, they'll always be there for you.
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I Want to Put My Birth Parents Back on My Birth Certificate
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